Taking Advantage of Richo's "Fear Affirmations"

I'm sitting here at the hospital while my eldest daughter is having her first child in a nearby room.  My wife and son-in-law are there with her.  I'm sitting here alone in the waiting room, dealing with various fears as I wait for my first grandchild to be born.

As I drove here, just as Thanksgiving Day was coming to a close, I took advantage of the 1/2 hour drive to to the hospital to recite a series of fear affirmations that I found at the end of David Richo's wonderful book, When Love Meets Fear.  I'd memorized all 156 of these affirmations several weeks ago because I knew as soon as I read through them the first time that they were going to become another tool of mine to deal with life's ups and downs, and in particular, fear.  Reciting them aloud when I was in the car by myself helped put all sorts of fears in a place where they didn't seem to overwhelm me or take me out of the moment that I'm in right now.

When I got to the hospital, I decided that rather than watch TV or read, I would use my laptop to type out these 156 affirmations related to fear.  Again, I found that going through these affirmations again helped me stay centered and calm.  Certain affirmations seemed to strike me as right on target this morning.

While this might violate some copyright of David Richo's I'll beg forgiveness from him should that be necessary:  Here are my recollections of Richo's fear affirmations (I've bracketed [] any modifications or additions to his words -- I oftentimes modify the words of something I've memorized just to make it a little more "mine" or more personal):

1. I trust my true fears to give me signals of danger.

2. I admit that I also have false fears and worries.

3. I feel compassion toward myself for all the years I’ve been afraid.

4. I forgive those who hypnotized me into unreal fears.

5. I suggest now to myself, over and over, that I am freeing myself from fear.

6. I have fearlessness to match my fear.

7. I trust my powers and resourcefulness as a man.

8. I trust my abundant creativity.

9. I trust the strength that opens and blooms in me when I face a threat.

10. I believe in myself as a man who handles what comes his way…today.

11. I know how to rise to a challenge.

12. I am more and more aware of how I hold fear in my body.

13. I stop storing fear in my body.

14. Now I relax those holding places.

15. I open my body to joy and serenity.

16. I release my body from the clench of fear.

17. I relax those parts of me that hold on to fear the most.

18. I let go of the stresses and tensions that come from fear.

19. I let go of fear based thoughts.

20. I let go of basing my decisions on fear.

21. I stop listening to those who want to [export] their fears into me.

22. I let go of finding something to fear in everything.

23. I let go of fear and fearing and believing that everything is fearsome.

24. I let go of the primitive ways I have of catastrophizing: e.g., the fear belief: it will always be this way!

25. I am more and more aware of my instant reflex fear reactions.

26. I accept that I have habituated myself to a certain level of adrenaline.

27. I admit that I oftentimes choose the adrenaline rush that comes with the dramas of fear and desire.

28. I forgo this stressful excitement and choose sane and serene liveliness.

29. I let go of the obsessive thoughts about how the worst may happen.

30. I trust myself always to have an alternative.

31. I see the humor in my fears.

32. I see the humor in my exaggerated responses to unreal dangers.

33. I find a humorous dimension in every fear.

34. I find a humorous response to every fear.

35. I play with the pain of fear. 

36. I smile at my scared ego with tough love.

37. I am convinced of my abilities to handle situations and people that scare me.

38. I am more and more aware of how what happens or has happened is being faced, integrated or released.

39. I have self-healing power AND I seek and find support from outside sources.

40. I have an enormous capacity for rebuilding, restoring and transcending.

41. I am more and more sure of my abilities.

42. I am less and less scared by what happens, by what has happened, by what will happen.

43. I trust myself.

44. I trust the uncanny timing that I keep noticing in my life.

45. I love how I awake, or change, or resolve, or complete at just the right moment.

46. Nothing forces me; nothing stops me.

47. I let go of any fear of nature.

48. I let go of my fear of natural disasters.

49. I let go of my fears of sickness, accident, old age and death.

50. I cease being afraid of knowing, having or showing my feelings.

51. I let go of the fear of failure and of success.

52. I let go of the fears behind my guilt and shame.

53. I let go of the fear of aloneness or of having time on my hands.

54. I let go of the fear of abandonment.

55. I let go of the fear of engulfment.

56. I let go of the fear of closeness.

57. I let go of the fear of commitment.

58. I let go of the fear of being betrayed.

59. I let go of the fear of being cheated or robbed.

60. I let go of the fear of giving, receiving; beginnings, endings; comings, goings; scarcity, abundance; saying no, saying yes.

61. I let go of the fear of any person.

62. I let go of the fear of loving.

63. I let go of the fear of being loved.

64. I let go of the fear of losing: losing money, losing face, losing freedom, losing friends, losing family members, losing respect, losing status, losing my job, losing out!

65. I let go of the fear of having to grieve.

66. I keep letting go; I keep going on.

67. I let go of my paranoia.

68. I give up my phobic rituals.

69. I let go of my performance fears.

70. I let go of my sexual fears.

71. I let go of my fears about my adequacy as a parent or child; worker or manager; partner, [lover] or friend; [sponsor or sponsee].

72. I let go of the need for control.

73. I acknowledge control as a mask for my fear.

74. I let go of the need to be right, to be first, to be perfect.

75. I let go of the belief that I am entitled to be taken care of.

76. I let go of the fears about the 5 conditions of existence:

a. I accept that I may sometimes lose.

b. I accept that things change and end.

c. I accept that pain is part of human growth.

d. I accept that things are not always fair.

e. I accept that people will lie to me, betray me, or not be loyal to me.

77. I am flexible enough to accept life as it is, forgiving enough to accept life as it has been, [open enough to welcome life as it happens].

78. I drop the need for or the belief in a personal exemption from the conditions of my existence.

79. I acknowledge my present predicament as a path.

80. I trust a design in spite of the display.

81. I let go of more than fate can take.

82. I appreciate how everything works out for me.

83. I appreciate the graces that everywhere surround and enrich my life.

84. I find an alternative always exists behind the apparent dead end of fear.

85. I open myself to love, to people, to events.

86. I accept the love that awaits me everywhere.

87. I feel deeply loved by people near and far, living and dead.

88. I feel loved and watched over by my higher power.

89. I believe I have an important destiny, that I am living in accord with it, that I will survive to fulfill it.

90. I let myself feel the full measure of the joy I was meant to feel: the joy of living without fear.

91. I let fear go, I let joy in.

92. I let fear go, I let love in.

93. I let fears go and I expand my sensibilities.

94. I am more and more aware of others fears, more and more sensitive to them, more and more compassionate toward them.

95. I am more and more acceptant of all kinds of people

96. I enlarge my circle of love to include every living being and I show them love.

97. I am more and more courageous in my program of dealing with fear:

a. I let go of the need for control

b. I let the chips fall where they may

c. I admit my fears

d. I feel my fears by letting them flow through me

e. I act as if I were free from fear

f. I see the humor in my fears

g. I expand my circle of love to include myself and everyone

98. I have pluck and wit!

99. I let go of my defenses.

100. I defend myself.

101. I am non-violent.

102. I am intrepid under fire.

103. I am a hero: I feel pain in my life and am transformed by it.

104. I am undaunted by situations and people that threaten me.

105. I let people’s attempts to menace me fall flat.

106. I give up running from a threat.

107. I give up shrinking from a fight.

108. I show grace under pressure.

109. I stop running; I stop hiding.

110. More and more of my fears are becoming healthy excitement.

111. I meet danger face to face.

112. I stand up for a fight.

113. I take the bull by the horns.

114. I walk the gauntlet.

115. I put my head in the lion’s mouth.

116. I stick to my guns and hold my fire.

117. An automatic courage arises in me when I face a threat.

118. I dare to show myself as I am: afraid and courageous.

119. I hereby release the courage that has lain hidden within me.

120. I am thankful for the gift of fortitude.

121. I let go of hesitation and self-doubt.

122. I am hardy in the face of fear.

123. I have grit, stamina and toughness.

124. I take risks and always act with responsibility and grace.

125. I let go of the need to be different.

126. I let go of the fear of others expectations.

127. I cease being intimidated by others anger.

128. I let go of the fear of what might happen if others do not like me.

129. I let go of the fear of false accusation.

130. I let go of the fear of doing it his, her or their way.

131. I acknowledge that behind my excessive sense of obligation is the fear of my own freedom.

132. I let go of the horror about disapproval, ridicule or rejection.

133. I dare to stop auditioning for people’s approval.

134. I dare to give up my act.

135. I give up all my poses, pretences and posturings.

136. I dare to be myself.

137. I acknowledge that behind my fear of self-disclosure is a fear of freedom.

138. I dare to show my hand, to show my inclinations, to show my enthusiasms.

139. I let my every word, feeling and deed reflect me, as I truly am.

140. I love being found out: that is, caught in the act of being my authentic self.

141. I explore the farthest reaches of my identity.

142. I live my life according to my deepest needs and wishes.

143. I let go of the need to correct people’s impressions of me.

144. I stop being afraid of my own power.

145. I am irrepressible.

146. I draw upon the ever renewing sources of lively energy within me.

147. I am great hearted and bold spirited.

148. I dare to give of myself unconditionally, and…

149. I dare to be unconditionally committed to maintaining my own boundaries.

150. I open myself to the grace to know the difference.

151. I fling open the gates of my soul.

152. I set free joy, till now imprisoned by fear.

153. I set free love, till now imprisoned by fear.

154. I honor and evoke my animal powers, my human powers, my divine powers.

155. I let true love cast out all fear.

156. I face fear like the Buddha; I am the Buddha in the face of fear.

Commitment to Fear Work

As I mentioned in my last blog, I've been reading another book by David Richo called "When Love Meets Fear: Becoming Defense-less and Resource-full".  Great book.  It's where I got the line about the one obstacle to grace being control.  Boy, has that line been turning over my life as a gardner would turn over garden soil at the end/beginning of a growing season!

Further into the book, Richo (who is not a recovering alcoholic, but who has psychotherapy clients who are...) writes down a long list of affirmations all having to do with fear.  He refers to the list as an inventory.  This week, I committed to memorizing this list of affirmations (all 156 of them...) over the next several weeks.  Memorization and recitation is a huge, albeit strange and ongoing part of my recovery work.  It has been almost from the beginning and for the last couple of months I've been waiting to come across something new and beautiful to memorize. 

This list of fear affirmations jumped out at me and after getting over the initial block of "there's way too many of these to memorize!" negative thoughts, I quickly responded to the fearful self with a kind reminder that I don't have to memorize all 156 at once.  I can do them, like many other things I've memorized or committed to in the past, one line, one day at a time.

Here are the first twenty affirmations to give you a sense of this different type of fear inventory:  (FYI: I've found that when memorizing a long list like this it works best when I go one line at a time and then progress forward in groups of five --once I have five lines down pat, I move on to the next group of five, one line at a time):

I trust my true fears to give me signals of danger.
I admit that I also have false fears and worries.
I feel compassion toward myself for all the years I have been afraid.
I forgive those who hypnotized me into unreal fears.
I suggest now to myself, over and over, that I am freeing myself from fear.

I have fearlessness to match my fear.
I trust my powers and resourcefulness as a man.
I trust my abundant creativity.
I trust the strength that opens and blossoms in me when I have to face something.
I believe in myself as a man/woman who handles what comes his way today.

I know how to rise to a challenge.
I am more and more aware of how I hold fear in my body.
I stop storing fear in my body.
Now I relax those holding places.
I open my body to joy and serenity.

I release my body from the clench of fear.
I relax the parts of me that hold fear the most.
I let go of the stress and tension that come from fear.
I let go of fear based thoughts.
I let go of basing my decisions on fear.

As I have been doing this memory work, I think that it's having a real impact on what is happening in my life.  In the last week since I've been doing this work, I've encountered four different people, three of them sponsees in very early recovery and another person who writes a blog recommended to me by a recovery blogger who thought I might be of help to this person she'd encountered in the blogosphere.  All four of them are going through their own dark nights of the soul.  Each is dancing close to a level of hopelessness and despair that almost leads me to call 911 and have them taken into protective 72 hour mental health hold.  And in fact, one of them was hospitalized on Monday night for just that reason: his friends thought that he was in danger of hurting himself or committing suicide.

With each, I've attempted to be with them in their despair.  I'm not at all confident that I am saying the "right thing", helping or hurting.  I strongly suggested that one go into a 30 day treatment center or detox unit, but he refused because he doesn't want to be a "loser who goes into rehab."  When I heard him say that, I paused briefly to consider how to best respond and ended up blurting out, "Well, too bad!  Go anyway!"  After a brief silence and just as I was thinking that he was going to hang up on me, he began to laugh from his gut, almost hysterically for several minutes.  He thanked me for making him laugh for the first time in 9 months (he'd had some years sober but had fallen away from meetings, got involved with a younger woman and when she broke up with him and learned of his alcoholism, he drank.   He's not been able to get sober for the last 9 months...   Later that same night I got a short text message from him letting me know that his friends had had him hospitalized.   He's out now and I believe still sober...but still resisting the rehab. 

All four of these people have reminded me of the importance of hopelessness and despair.  Dr.Earle used to say, "Thank God for Despair!" (in fact, he wrote an article in the AA Grapevine years ago with that title).  The reason for his gratitude for such an unlikely candidate as Despair was that he'd learned over the years that while despair was quite painful and unpleasant, if only he would be willing to walk or sit through it, inevitably on the other side of despair would come some form of enlightenment or awakening.  Always.  I've begrudgingly come to agree with this insight.  I sent him a text yesterday saying that the prerequisite to willingness was not wanting to do something.  And in that since, he was in a really good place!

I've watched fear up close this week.  I feel more alive.  I feel more, period.  I think I'm going to keep doing this fear work.  Even though it frightens me somewhat.  ;-)

Take care!

Mike L.

Recovery and Relationships

Without question, the most challenging arena for me in terms of living out my recovery is in the context of relationships, especially the relationship with my wife of 28+ years.  In one of my regular meetings, there's a statement made in the meeting format that after the meeting "loitering is not tolerated" -- I used to find that somewhat offensive and offputting: but eventually I took it to be a clear message that this meeting room is not a home, it's a place of respit.  A resting place where we recharge our batteries -- but it's temporary.  It's not where we live.

Where I live is at home with my wife and that's where the rubber meets the road, as it were,in terms of me and my recovery.  Recently, I've been reading another book by David Richo called "How to be an Adult in Relationships (The Five Keys to Mindful Loving)".  It's a great book.  It must be frustrating for my wife though, seeing me read this book and me, at least it seems to me, having so little to show for it.  We are probably in the best shape we've ever been in though, so I don't want to misrepresent the quality of our relationship.  It's great.  But I'm always wanting it to be better...  Think we both share that hope.

One thing that really hit me though yesterday is that Richo talks about how in some relationships one partner will have a basic fear of abandonment and the other partner will have a fear of engulfment.  For us, my wife is the one who seems primarily experiencing a fear of abandonment over the years and I am the one who seems to have the polar opposite fear of being engulfed.  Richo recommends what he calls the "Triple-A Approach to Fear:  Admit, Accept and Act As If...  We first need to admit that we have these particular fears and then we need to accept these fears.  Lastly, he talks about acting as if....  And this paragraph hit me to my core.

"Act as if you have no fear.  If you fear abandonment, risk allowing the other to stay away one minute more than you can stand.  Cling one minute less than you feel you need to.  If you fear engulfment, allow the other to get one inch closer than you can stand.  Stay away one minute less than you feel you need to.  By acting in these ways, you are playing with your pain, a healing device too often neglected by those of us who take things too seriously."

This paragraph screamed out at me with its beauty and truth.  I've commited it to memory and have been reciting it again and again during my day today.  I really like the idea of "playing with my pain"  -- I've spent much effort in the past trying to avoid and medicate pain.  It was as though there was something wrong with pain.  And emotional pain, in particular, was something to be avoided at all costs.  Richo has got me looking at it differently though: pain is communicating information to me and I need to listen carefully and with reverence.  I needn't run from it.  I can keep my eyes and all my senses wide open.

Take care while you play with your pain!

Mike L.

Wondering "What If?"

Sorry that I haven't been blogging much recently, but I've been involved in a lot of work-related issues related to the economy and I've had to focus on those issues. Like many businesses these days, we've been struggling and last week we had to institute a layoff of about 10% of our non-attorney staff. Among those laid off was someone in my department and I was in the uncomfortable position of having to decide which one of my staff would be laid off. I really don't want to go into that here, but I did walk through that process focused on trying to be as compassionate and kind as I could, while at the same time trying to be loyal as an employee to a company that very well might fail if those in responsibility for managing its affairs do not do what's good for the whole firm.

Even before that process was over though, I began to play with the initially fearful idea: what would happen to me and my family if I was the one being laid off? While some might think paying attention to such "what if?" scenarios, I've found it helpful to give such fearful ideas a little room to play and to be played with. Not all that long ago, when I was drinking, I typically ran from such fears by anesthetizing myself with alcohol. Recovery has been teaching me new ways to deal with such normal albeit fearful life events.

This game playing involves brainstorming a list of things that I could do were I to lose my job, either through a layoff (unlikely but possible in my circumstance) or through a failure of our business (more possible in today's world). Over several days, the list grew to about five:

1. Become a truck driver
2. Go back to teaching high school religion
3. Go back to studying for the priesthood and become a priest
4. Become an author
5. Find a job similar to what I have now, except with another law firm

In brainstorming, you don't get bogged down with analyzing or criticizing or eliminating any ideas that float to the surface. They come up, you write them down. Once I had my initial list, I decided to let my wife in on the process: again, something that does not come natural to me. She's very strong and opinionated: just they way she should be! I decided to let her in on this because I knew that there was a certain part of me that was beginning to stress over the fears associated with losing my job and that this fear was going to come into our relationship, for good or bad, whether I liked it or not.

So, last week, I decided one night to tell my wife that I was actually feeling some fear about the security of my own job and how well we might survive were I to lose my job. Actually, I didn't "decide" to do that. One night, she asked me to start talking to her about anything... I don't seem to talk much and our life together had been seeming to fall into a too comfortable for me routine of getting up, going to work, coming home, walking the dog, reading in bed, rubbing her foot, and going to sleep (some details withheld). I told her that I really didn't have anything to say, at least, nothing to say that wasn't stressful. She said to tell her anyway. I did. I said that I was worried about losing my job and how we would be able to handle it. She responded immediately that that thought was very depressing! I told you she was strong and opinionated!

We laughed and then talked this through somewhat. Before falling off to sleep, I began making my "what if?" list of things that I could do if I lost my job. First thing that came to me was becoming a truck driver. I'm driving all the time it seems anyway (my commute to/from work is a little over two hours). I'm always seeing "We Need Drivers!" signs pasted on the back of semi-trucks. Not sure what it pays, but it would be something that would bring in some income. In addition, the more I thought about it, the more attractive this job seemed to me: I would get to travel to different places, go to different AA meetings, meet new people, have time to blog, and this would get me and my wife out of this rut that we're in.

That night I had a dream where I was applying for my old teaching job and I woke up with a start. Hey, I could go back to teaching! The initial problem though with this idea is that most often these days I consider myself to be an ex-Catholic, a non-Christian...on my good days. I'm sometimes an agnostic (where I wonder if God exists), sometimes a theist (although I'm never too clear on the God of my own understanding and more clear on the God of my misunderstanding). Suppose that might be an obstacle, but I decided that I could be honest about this with folks and let them in on the freedom that I've found and how I could really help these students walk through all the normal questions they have about God and what the do or don't believe. That's really all I did when I taught in Catholic high schools back in the early '80s. I helped them with their wonderings. I challenged their comfortable beliefs that they felt they "had" to believe to satisfy the expectations of their parents and others.

The next day, I thought of the weird possibility of my returning to the Jesuits and becoming a priest. Sure, there are a couple of hurdles with this. But I decided to play with this a little. This option could be just a "worst case" option for me if nothing else panned out. I didn't spend much time with this idea at all, but it was a fun one to share with my wife when I eventually shared my list with her... When I told her the idea of becoming a priest, she laughed and said that I couldn't do that because I was married. I laughed back and said that while we would have to get a divorce, apparently my being a priest would not prevent us from continuing to have great and frequent sex! She got a nice laugh out of that one.

Another idea also came to me about becoming an author, writing a book. That dream of becoming an author has been with me for some time and was actually the genesis of this blog. Blogging was a simple attempt to "do something" along the lines of writing an actual book. When I began playing with this idea, I came up with some general ideas about a book that I would like to write: it would be on the use of memorization in the recovery process. I have come across several other AAs who've used memorization to enhance their recovery: Chuck C. (Chamberlain) used to memorize things from the Big Book and elsewhere. Dr. Earle did also. I actually got the idea for using memorization from watching a man in a meeting recite the AA Preamble from memory while everyone else read it together from a little card at the beginning of that meeting. I was struck that this AA Preamble must really mean something to him if he went to the trouble of memorizing it. So I stole one of those cards and began what has become an essential and daily part of my recovery program. Over the last seven years, I've memorized a ton of stuff from various AA and non-AA literature. If I were to recite all of these things one right after another, it would take me close to three hours.

When I shared the idea of writing a book with my wife, she innocently asked, what would you write about? I initially told her that I didn't want to talk to her about that because she might be critical of what I was planning and I was too sensitive to take criticism about this area of my life right now. This hurt her because I was choosing to keep something from her. After some painful moments between us, I did decide to tell her that the book would be about "recovery" and that sort of hit her in a soft painful spot in our relationship. She's someone jealous of my "recovery life" because she doesn't feel part of it. We're still not really done talking this one through, but it was important for me to let her in on this dream of mine even if it's difficult.

Now that I'm done with my "what if?" playing, I've noticed that I'm no longer anxious about the future in terms of my job or what might happen with it. In fact, I'm realizing that I don't need to sit passively by and wait for life to happen to me. I can get off my ass and take steps to make it happen. Talking about my book here was a first step in that process. I will not commit to begin drafting titles for this book (a Title is the most important part of writing for me....) and to making an outline of chapters and to drafting a preface which tells my story and how memorization has become a most important part of my recovery.

Take care!

Mike L.

How Do I Best Help Another Recover?

Recently, at several of the meetings I regularly attend, I've noticed a lot of people criticizing how others are conducting themselves in meetings. Some times, these criticisms are being made in the context of a group inventory. Other times, it's at the meeting before or after the meeting. A few times in not so quiet whispers during the meeting.

I've listened as well as I can to all these criticisms and it seems that underneath most of these comments is the deep desire to help others get and/or stay sober. Or a fear that someone will leave the room and get drunk.

It's serious business I agree. But I'm wondering much if sometimes we don't overdo the effort to help another person "get it". It seems to me, that it's helpful to see the disease of alcoholism itself as our greatest friend in the noble effort of helping alcoholics recover from this disease and we should, with all due respect, let the disease itself do the bulk of the heavy lifting in terms of getting someone who suffers from this disease into the recovery process. I suppose this is something I picked up in Alanon.

I remember back to when my son was getting sober and sitting back quite amazed at his courage and persistence in trying to get clean at such a young age (14-15 years old). Of course, it was mostly amazing to me because he was owning up to a problem that I as a 48 year old "man" was absolutely incapable of doing in terms of my own fairly secret battle with alcohol.

I remember that I initially took some comfort in that he actually needed to stop drinking and using: he was, after all, a minor and what he was doing was illegal. Not only that, he was doing it so badly! Not only was he unable to hide his diseased behavior from others, "like I could!" he was unable to lie about stuff that came so easily to me. I mean he could lie, he just couldn't do it as well as me. I was a little embarrassed that he was doing the lying thing so poorly. Was he really not my son?

Anyway, looking back now, I see that his recovery was motivated from within him and had little to do with all the things my wife and I did to try and support him in his efforts. Oh, we did try to help him! And I don't regret any of our efforts to help him---but ultimately, it seemed that what really worked with him was the pain and utter dispair that he felt in his life. The consequences. What worked also was the hope that he started to receive from others afflicted with the same disease of addiction. Pain and hope. That saved him.

And it saved me because about five months after things "clicked" for him, I reached my own moment of utter darkness and dispair.... And it dawned on my that things weren't quite as hopeless as I imagined: there was a solution. I could do what my son did.... Admit what was going on to others who suffered from the same affliction. Reach out for help. Stop trying to stop drinking and start trying to stay sober. Once that light went on for me, the rest of the process has actually been quite easy and simple. Sorta.

Someone once told me that she got sober at the corner of Grace and Willingness. I loved that line. She'd stolen it from her sponsor. But while I loved it, it wasn't where I got sober. I got sober about a half block down from there, at the corner of Grace and Hopelessness. From there, I saw hope and realized that while I couldn't stop drinking, I could stay sober. For one day. Today. I'm sober today I think because I've not forgotten that truth.

I personally don't think there are magical words that can be said in or outside of AA meetings that will get someone sober. That isn't to say that we take what we do and say within or without meetings "lightly" or "cavalierly" --- this is a deadly disease and a serious business.

But it's been helpful to me to take some comfort that there seems to be a basic desire within most folks to be happy and to have a meaningful life. Pain is one of our most effective teachers. Ultimately, what was most effective for me in terms of getting sober was seeing that sobriety (what I then simply thought of only as "not drinking") was possible. The impossible was possible.
That's not what I consider "magic." Nope. It's a miracle. Magic is when something that is actually impossible appears to happen. Miracle is when something that appears impossible actually happens. Huge difference. And by the way, I made those definitions up myself so use 'em if you like, but don't blame Webster if you don't.

Take care!

Mike L.