Three Types of Prayer (and Why None of them Seem Appropriate in AA Meetings)

I believe all prayers can be grouped into three types: Their Prayers, Our Prayers and My Prayers. Their Prayers are those prayers said or used by other people, not me. Our Prayers are those prayers said or used by me and other people who share common beliefs with me. My Prayers are said by me alone, although I suppose the words making up the prayer might also be used by others. Their Prayers and Our Prayers, when said together in a community of believers, are said to be communal prayers. My basic point in this blog entry is that I don't believe communal prayers belong in AA meetings.

When I'm sitting in a meeting of AA, I do not participate in communal prayers... Well, at least I haven't done so for the last four years or so of my sobriety. I choose to stay silent and watch and listen to others saying Their Prayers. I suppose that another way of looking at this is that they're all saying their My Prayers all at the same time to their own concept of a Higher Power. But the act of saying it all together as a group seems to make in a communal prayer, regardless of the individual intent.

My issue (and believe me, it's my issue) with communal prayers isn't that other people don't have the perfect right to do it or that groups don't have the perfect right to make (or not make) such communal prayers part of their meeting formal. They all have such a right and I have an equal right to just be quiet.

My issue is this: communal prayers seem to give the appearance, most importantly to newcomers, that those who are saying them all have a common understanding of a Higher Power and that they're all praying to the same Higher Power. To the newcomer, I'm concerned that this communal act of "ours" is one that enforces a belief or misunderstanding that they are an outsider (until they join in our circle, hold hands and repeat a prayer that may or may not feel appropriate or true for them).

Sure, I know that most AAs understand that we really don't have such a common understanding of God---but my concern isn't about our understanding that or not. It's the impact of that group format and behavior on the newcomer. To the newcomer it appears that our actions are inconsistent with our words, both spoken and written in our literature. It's particularly troubling to me that we seem limited to using Christian prayers in most all of the AA meetings I've attended: The Lord's Prayer and the Serenity Prayer are both Christian in origin.

Clearly this is a group conscience issue and I'm just speaking my opinions about how groups are handling this is my corner of the world. I do appreciate several groups in my area of the East Bay/Contra Costa County who have made a conscious decision to eliminate common prayers from their meetings: several begin with a simple and quiet period of silence for the alcoholic who still suffers and/or end the meeting with some reading from AA literature. To me, this is much more in keeping with the best practices and traditions of AA.

Until then, I just sit quietly during any "Their Prayers" that happen during AA meetings and practice "My Prayers" when I'm alone with my misunderstanding of my Higher Power or practice "Our Prayers" if I'm ever in a religious community of which I'm a member.

Take care!

Mike L.