Time Away

My wife and I have taken two weeks off and are spending time away from everything here at a house on the Oregon coast. Joining us is a couple who are long time friends. I'm barely able to access the internet, but it's sufficient to access my neglected recovery blog. My dependence on technology has shown itself in various withdrawal pains and cravings. My other unhealthy addictions to other things have also come to the fore: addicion to work, to helping others, to busyness, to meetings, to noise, to projects, etc.

We've been away now for almost five days now and it's been great. We stay up late playing games and telling stories about things that have happened over the last year since we saw each other: birth of our first granddaughter, engagement and marriage of our youngest daughter, and the announcement by my son and his girlfriend that they are expecting a child this coming December.... We had a guest for dinner last night, a friend of Randy's who has been his fishing buddy for years. He happens to be 12 or 13 years sober and very active in AA. We didn't get a chance to talk much or even share our common bond out loud. But it was nice to have another AA close at hand and know that we had a bond that didn't need to be talked about. Lots of laughter and storytelling.

My favorite activity of all though has been catching up on reading. Downloaded the 1st edition of Alcoholics Anonymous and have enjoyed reading all the stories included in that and subsequent editions of the Big Book.

Also reading "The Fifth Agreement" by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Jose. A great followup to The Four Agreements. 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don't take anything personally. 3. Don't make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. And now, 5. Be skeptical; learn to listen. I totally buy into this Toltec wisdom tradition which basically says that since a very early point in our growing up, we let go of our innate sense that we were perfect just the way we were and saw things without judgment or wishes that thing were different than they were....and began to accept the teachings of others that we could be bad, that we should be good, that we needed to conform in order to be accepted and acceptable, that we could't/shouldn't trust our perceptions or thoughts or feelings.... And in so doing, began adopting certain "agreements" as to how reality should be interpreted and analyzed. These agreements became part of our self and they have become the basis of our self-evaluation and of our evaluation of all of reality. The problem is that these agreements are all false and our adoption of them is the bottom-line cause of all our suffering. Ruiz proposes five new agreements that, as we adopt them and commit ourselves to living as best we can, allow us to regain that childlike view of ourselves and our world as being perfect just the way we are.

These four agreements have been helpful to me over the last couple of years. I often use them whenever I'm feeling a bit "off the beam" -- and usually I'm able to see where my failure to adhere to one of more of these four commitments has led me to the suffering I'm experiencing. Sometimes my use of words to hurt others, or more frequently myself!, is this underlying cause of my suffering. Other times, it's the decision to take someone else's words or actions as though they had something to do with me. Other times, the suffering is the result of assumptions I've made about something or someone that simply have no bearing in reality. Or the expectation that I should always be perfect in my actions or thoughts. Whatever: suffering is always self-imposed and self-generated. I then chuckle to myself about this and reacquaint myself with each of the agreements and move forward a little lighter than I was before.

This new 5th agreement seems to hold much potential in that it stresses the importance of stepping back from my instant reflex reactions to reality "as Mike sees it"; the importance of Doubt when looking at Reality as I tend to interpret it using untrue assessment rules learned by me over the last 58 years; and the importance of just seeing things as they are in the light of awareness.

These five agreements are a nice addition to my kit of spiritual tools in recovery.

OK, back to my time away.

Take care!

Mike L.