The Twelves Steps of AA: A Circular Not Linear Process

Early on in my recovery, I heard quite a few people motivate themselves and others in terms of working the steps by means of the following "carrot": if you work the steps (in order, of course) you will have a spiritual awakening, and thereby, be able to stay sober. That always sort of bothered me because my experience was that I had such a life changing and obsession obliterating spiritual awakening two days before my first AA meeting and as a result of that experience, my obsession to drink vanished and has yet to return in over six years.

I even remember one meeting where an oldtimer told the group that the only way to have this spiritual awakening was by working all twelve of the steps! Luckily, another oldtimer chimed in and offered a dissenting view: that the 12th step says: After having had "a" spiritual awakening as the result of these steps... It didn't say: "Only after having worked these steps did we have a spiritual awakening... " AA is not in charge of doling out "spiritual awakenings" and such awakenings are not the sole possession of recovering alcoholics or AA.

That said, I do believe that my own spiritual awakening happened on the morning of October 20, 2001 and I also believe that that spiritual awakening was a direct result of the working of the 12 steps of AA. But it wasn't me who worked the 12 steps that led to my awakening, it was my 15 year old son and two other young people who began getting clean and sober earlier that year in 2001. My son Pat began his recovery at 15 years old in January 2001, roughly speaking, when he began a drug treatment program at Kaiser. When he began his recovery, it was the first time in my life when I couldn't stop drinking. Until then, I could stop and I proved I wasn't an alcoholic many many times by demonstrating to myself and others, if necessary, that I could stop anytime I wanted to. I did that stopping many many many times. The stopping would always end up with a "starting" though --- whenever I got to the point that I (and hopefully others) was convinced that I had actually stopped.

Well, when Pat started his recovery, I couldn't stop drinking. Sure, I could manage it somewhat and keep it hidden (it was horrible!!!), but I couldn't stop. For about ten months, I think I drank some alcohol almost every day "in secret". Usually while Pat was safely in his 12 step meetings.

Although it took him some months to actually "lapse" in his using/drinking, it will soon be seven years since his last use of a mind-altering drug. His awakening or moment of clarity happened May 10, 2001. In June, he'll turned 22 years old.

My guess is that Pat's waking up was the direct result of someone else becoming transformed via the 12 steps and this program of recovery. I know without question, that my awakening on the morning of October 20, 2001 was a direct result of Pat and two other kids getting clean and sober and working this process to the best of their ability, one day at a time.

In this way then, I see the 12 steps as being a circular process beginning at Step 1 and working around a circle "clockwise" until we get to 12: when we do that, somehow the miracle of AA spreads to another and allows them to begin their own personal journey of recovery at Step 1, and so on and so on. The process is certainly not linear, not something that we go through and complete---no such thing as a AA graduation or "certificate of completion". It's a ongoing, ever evolving process.

While the disease of alcoholism/addiction may be genetic in nature, I've become absolutely convinced that recovery is wildly contagious and impacts all others around us, whether we know it or not.

Take care!

Mike