Our Calling

For th last two months I've been running on all cylinders in all areas of my life. Work has been consuming me with multiple major projects, any one of which could have occupied me and my staff for a full year. My family is expanding and changing on what seems to be a daily basis: youngest daughter getting married next month, first grandchild reaching her six month milestone with an infectious smile, a second grandchild (my son's) due before end of year.  My recovery program has continued to escalate, more sponsees than I feel comfortable with, but for now, haven't been willing to say no when someone asks (primarily because I could always give up a meeting or two if needed since I still go to 10 or more meetings a week).

But in the last two months or so, I was presented with some challenges with one of my sponsees that kept me "just before" being overwhelmed at almost a constant state of affairs.  But, as suggested by one of my mentors in AA, I needed to simply take things one whelm at a time --- otherwise, I'd get overwhelmed!  The challenge came with the guy who first asked me to be his sponsor over five and a half years ago: late last year he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and he successfully walked through all the fears that came with that diagnosis and had the surgery to remove his prostate early this year.  During his two month recovery at home, it seemed like his anxiety levels began to gradually increase -- I thought due to having too much time on his hands and not being used to that.  I suggested going to more meetings than he was used to and he did.  Nevertheless, he had something sort of blindside him in February and as a result of that, his mental health began to degrade on a daily basis and within a few weeks I had to have him committed to a psyche hospital because he was becoming a danger to himself.  After a harrowing several weeks in and out of these mental health hospitals, he's now back at home and beginning an intensive outpatient program to get his feet back on the ground.  Miraculously, through all of this, he's stayed sober.  Taking a drink didn't cross his mind: taking his life did.

Through all of that, I was doing everything I could to help him walk through this challenge.  I broke down and met with my sponsor about half way through the process and asked him for feedback in terms of setting boundaries, but also with dealing with the certainty that I needed to do everything within my power to help my friend.  That meeting was tremendously helpful.  He listened, asked a few insightful questions (he's a lawyer, so this is one of his great strengths!) and then shared a story with me that he'd never shared with anyone else: he'd walked through something very similar to what I was dealing with now and he shared with me how he approached his challenge.  He shared the story not to suggest that I needed to do what he did, but rather, just because his story was all he could offer me.  I could take what seemed to work for me and leave the rest...  I walked away with a greater sense of peace about what I was doing and that it was right for me.

Within a day or so of that meeting with my sponsor, I was reading a book by David Richo called "The Five Things We Cannot Change" and at the beginning of the section I was reading, Richo quoted something from George Bernard Shaw called "The Calling":

This is the true joy in living: being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish, little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world is not devoting itself to making you happy!

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks!  I reminded me of the chapter on the 12th Step in the 12x12 wherein it states in very first paragraph that "the theme of the twelfth step is the joy of living" and then restates slightly differently amd even more powerfully in the very last paragraph of  that same chapter, "the theme of the twelfth step is the joy of good living."  Shaw was saying essentially the same thing: the joy of living comes by way of "being used for a purpose" (for me, helping other suffering alcoholics) and knowing that that purpose is a "mighty one"; that this service is done without much regard for prudence or balance, but rather, by throwing ones self into service without regard to personal hardship or reward.    That in doing this, we obtain true joy.

I committed this quote to memory over the next day or so and have repeated it to myself several times a day during my commute to/from work.  It always fills me with renewed strength and commitment to doing what I've been called to do: help other suffering alcoholics.  My recovery has taken on a renewed vitality and I don't care to question its source.

As things seem to be settling down a little now, I'm glad to get back to some blogging which is one of the things I've had to cut back on over the last couple of months.  Just not enough hours in the day.

Take care!

Mike L.