Does a Relapse Always Require a 1st Step Redo?

I've recently been working with a couple of guys who've been struggling with relapse and it's gotten me to rethink the issue of the necessity of reworking a 1st step after a relapse. While I think there's much wisdom behind the conventional wisdom suggesting that a person take a harder look at the 1st Step after a relapse, assuming they'd taken a gander at it before the relapse, I wonder if it's not possible that some people get stuck in the 1st Step and fail to stay sober because of their not moving forward to the 2nd Step.

In both cases that I'm dealing with, I believe both men have a good understanding of the basic tenets of the 1st Step, but for some reason they've both had problems translating that mental understanding into their heart of hearts.  Or maybe it's something as trivial as having the -ISM in alcoholism: incredibly short-term memory.  Regardless, I'm thinking that either or both of these guys might want to move on to the 2nd step and begin asking for help from something or someone greater than they are, as well as begin considering what alcoholic insanity is for them.

For me, it was helpful early on to begin asking others for help.  It seemed to happen quite naturally for me as soon as I walked into my first meeting.  I had a sense, I suppose from watching my son get clean as a result of going into these 12 step rooms, that I would find help within these rooms myself...if only I would ask.  If only I would accept the help so frequently offered to me.  For me, the 2nd step didn't really need to get to the thornier question of whether there was a God or not, or if there was a God, what that God was/wasn't like.  For me, the powerlessness found and accepted in the 1st step only called for me to accept help from all sorts of sources outside and even within myself.

The 2nd step has become much more one where I have come to understand the insanity of much of my life, both drinking and non-drinking.  The insanity that I have discovered in the 2nd step has to do with an awareness, gradual to be sure, that I spend much energy trying to be someone I'm not.  In terms of my drinking career, much energy was spent over 30 years or so trying not to be an alcoholic "like my father" --- well, trying that AND trying to drink "like" a non-alcoholic.  That was my alcoholic insanity.

The 2nd step has given me much freedom in my life: freedom to be who I am.  Who "that" is is always going to be somewhat mysterious and unknown, but I have developed a greater comfort in the knowledge that I am perfectly OK who I am, even if I'm not all that sure who that is.  It's beyond a simple "I'm OK, You're OK" --- much more to the truth of the matter, it's a "I'm not OK, You're not OK and THAT's OK!"

I know that all have their own path and I'm not one to know what another person's path is or will be.  I will raise this issue with these guys though and let them chew on it for awhile.  A 1st step is never really something that's completed and done with, so if they want, they can continue being with the 1st step as they continue moving on through the next steps....whether that be 2 or 3 or 10, 11 or 12.  I'm not a big stickler on doing the steps in order to be honest....  Whatever will work, I'm for.

Take care!

Mike L.

Alcoholic Insanity and the 2nd Step

When I look back over my life to see where I was insane, at least in terms of my drinking, it's clear to me that the particular type of insanity relevant to my alcoholism, both drinking and sober, is best defined as "someone trying not to be who they are."

Insanity in this context would exist if a man were trying for his whole life to be a woman because he simply didn't want to be a man. True, this man could do all sorts of odd things in his desperate attempt to be a woman, but there is really nothing at all he can do about his situation. He's simply a man, whether he likes it or not. Sure, he can remove certain parts of his body (ouch!) or make some parts look different, but he would then only be a man less one part and/or with other different looking parts. In the end, he'd still be a man. His attempts to be otherwise are insane acts.

This describes me and my 30 year battle with alcohol, or rather, with alcoholism. I spent 30+ years trying to drink and not be an alcoholic. It was the attempt to "not be an alcoholic" that was essential to my insanity, not the drinking.

Looking back now from this perspective of being 7+ years sober and in recovery, I think I now realize more accurately that "alcohol" was really an imaginary enemy. The real enemy was me. Almost from my first drink, I drank with the clear intention not to become an alcoholic like my father....or any other identified alcoholic for that matter. Trying to drink "like" a normal person is quite hard for anyone I suppose, but it eventually becomes impossible for someone who is an alcoholic.

When I understood this, I felt I was done with my 2nd Step. I had come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Take care!

Mike L.