Taking Advantage of Richo's "Fear Affirmations"

I'm sitting here at the hospital while my eldest daughter is having her first child in a nearby room.  My wife and son-in-law are there with her.  I'm sitting here alone in the waiting room, dealing with various fears as I wait for my first grandchild to be born.

As I drove here, just as Thanksgiving Day was coming to a close, I took advantage of the 1/2 hour drive to to the hospital to recite a series of fear affirmations that I found at the end of David Richo's wonderful book, When Love Meets Fear.  I'd memorized all 156 of these affirmations several weeks ago because I knew as soon as I read through them the first time that they were going to become another tool of mine to deal with life's ups and downs, and in particular, fear.  Reciting them aloud when I was in the car by myself helped put all sorts of fears in a place where they didn't seem to overwhelm me or take me out of the moment that I'm in right now.

When I got to the hospital, I decided that rather than watch TV or read, I would use my laptop to type out these 156 affirmations related to fear.  Again, I found that going through these affirmations again helped me stay centered and calm.  Certain affirmations seemed to strike me as right on target this morning.

While this might violate some copyright of David Richo's I'll beg forgiveness from him should that be necessary:  Here are my recollections of Richo's fear affirmations (I've bracketed [] any modifications or additions to his words -- I oftentimes modify the words of something I've memorized just to make it a little more "mine" or more personal):

1. I trust my true fears to give me signals of danger.

2. I admit that I also have false fears and worries.

3. I feel compassion toward myself for all the years I’ve been afraid.

4. I forgive those who hypnotized me into unreal fears.

5. I suggest now to myself, over and over, that I am freeing myself from fear.

6. I have fearlessness to match my fear.

7. I trust my powers and resourcefulness as a man.

8. I trust my abundant creativity.

9. I trust the strength that opens and blooms in me when I face a threat.

10. I believe in myself as a man who handles what comes his way…today.

11. I know how to rise to a challenge.

12. I am more and more aware of how I hold fear in my body.

13. I stop storing fear in my body.

14. Now I relax those holding places.

15. I open my body to joy and serenity.

16. I release my body from the clench of fear.

17. I relax those parts of me that hold on to fear the most.

18. I let go of the stresses and tensions that come from fear.

19. I let go of fear based thoughts.

20. I let go of basing my decisions on fear.

21. I stop listening to those who want to [export] their fears into me.

22. I let go of finding something to fear in everything.

23. I let go of fear and fearing and believing that everything is fearsome.

24. I let go of the primitive ways I have of catastrophizing: e.g., the fear belief: it will always be this way!

25. I am more and more aware of my instant reflex fear reactions.

26. I accept that I have habituated myself to a certain level of adrenaline.

27. I admit that I oftentimes choose the adrenaline rush that comes with the dramas of fear and desire.

28. I forgo this stressful excitement and choose sane and serene liveliness.

29. I let go of the obsessive thoughts about how the worst may happen.

30. I trust myself always to have an alternative.

31. I see the humor in my fears.

32. I see the humor in my exaggerated responses to unreal dangers.

33. I find a humorous dimension in every fear.

34. I find a humorous response to every fear.

35. I play with the pain of fear. 

36. I smile at my scared ego with tough love.

37. I am convinced of my abilities to handle situations and people that scare me.

38. I am more and more aware of how what happens or has happened is being faced, integrated or released.

39. I have self-healing power AND I seek and find support from outside sources.

40. I have an enormous capacity for rebuilding, restoring and transcending.

41. I am more and more sure of my abilities.

42. I am less and less scared by what happens, by what has happened, by what will happen.

43. I trust myself.

44. I trust the uncanny timing that I keep noticing in my life.

45. I love how I awake, or change, or resolve, or complete at just the right moment.

46. Nothing forces me; nothing stops me.

47. I let go of any fear of nature.

48. I let go of my fear of natural disasters.

49. I let go of my fears of sickness, accident, old age and death.

50. I cease being afraid of knowing, having or showing my feelings.

51. I let go of the fear of failure and of success.

52. I let go of the fears behind my guilt and shame.

53. I let go of the fear of aloneness or of having time on my hands.

54. I let go of the fear of abandonment.

55. I let go of the fear of engulfment.

56. I let go of the fear of closeness.

57. I let go of the fear of commitment.

58. I let go of the fear of being betrayed.

59. I let go of the fear of being cheated or robbed.

60. I let go of the fear of giving, receiving; beginnings, endings; comings, goings; scarcity, abundance; saying no, saying yes.

61. I let go of the fear of any person.

62. I let go of the fear of loving.

63. I let go of the fear of being loved.

64. I let go of the fear of losing: losing money, losing face, losing freedom, losing friends, losing family members, losing respect, losing status, losing my job, losing out!

65. I let go of the fear of having to grieve.

66. I keep letting go; I keep going on.

67. I let go of my paranoia.

68. I give up my phobic rituals.

69. I let go of my performance fears.

70. I let go of my sexual fears.

71. I let go of my fears about my adequacy as a parent or child; worker or manager; partner, [lover] or friend; [sponsor or sponsee].

72. I let go of the need for control.

73. I acknowledge control as a mask for my fear.

74. I let go of the need to be right, to be first, to be perfect.

75. I let go of the belief that I am entitled to be taken care of.

76. I let go of the fears about the 5 conditions of existence:

a. I accept that I may sometimes lose.

b. I accept that things change and end.

c. I accept that pain is part of human growth.

d. I accept that things are not always fair.

e. I accept that people will lie to me, betray me, or not be loyal to me.

77. I am flexible enough to accept life as it is, forgiving enough to accept life as it has been, [open enough to welcome life as it happens].

78. I drop the need for or the belief in a personal exemption from the conditions of my existence.

79. I acknowledge my present predicament as a path.

80. I trust a design in spite of the display.

81. I let go of more than fate can take.

82. I appreciate how everything works out for me.

83. I appreciate the graces that everywhere surround and enrich my life.

84. I find an alternative always exists behind the apparent dead end of fear.

85. I open myself to love, to people, to events.

86. I accept the love that awaits me everywhere.

87. I feel deeply loved by people near and far, living and dead.

88. I feel loved and watched over by my higher power.

89. I believe I have an important destiny, that I am living in accord with it, that I will survive to fulfill it.

90. I let myself feel the full measure of the joy I was meant to feel: the joy of living without fear.

91. I let fear go, I let joy in.

92. I let fear go, I let love in.

93. I let fears go and I expand my sensibilities.

94. I am more and more aware of others fears, more and more sensitive to them, more and more compassionate toward them.

95. I am more and more acceptant of all kinds of people

96. I enlarge my circle of love to include every living being and I show them love.

97. I am more and more courageous in my program of dealing with fear:

a. I let go of the need for control

b. I let the chips fall where they may

c. I admit my fears

d. I feel my fears by letting them flow through me

e. I act as if I were free from fear

f. I see the humor in my fears

g. I expand my circle of love to include myself and everyone

98. I have pluck and wit!

99. I let go of my defenses.

100. I defend myself.

101. I am non-violent.

102. I am intrepid under fire.

103. I am a hero: I feel pain in my life and am transformed by it.

104. I am undaunted by situations and people that threaten me.

105. I let people’s attempts to menace me fall flat.

106. I give up running from a threat.

107. I give up shrinking from a fight.

108. I show grace under pressure.

109. I stop running; I stop hiding.

110. More and more of my fears are becoming healthy excitement.

111. I meet danger face to face.

112. I stand up for a fight.

113. I take the bull by the horns.

114. I walk the gauntlet.

115. I put my head in the lion’s mouth.

116. I stick to my guns and hold my fire.

117. An automatic courage arises in me when I face a threat.

118. I dare to show myself as I am: afraid and courageous.

119. I hereby release the courage that has lain hidden within me.

120. I am thankful for the gift of fortitude.

121. I let go of hesitation and self-doubt.

122. I am hardy in the face of fear.

123. I have grit, stamina and toughness.

124. I take risks and always act with responsibility and grace.

125. I let go of the need to be different.

126. I let go of the fear of others expectations.

127. I cease being intimidated by others anger.

128. I let go of the fear of what might happen if others do not like me.

129. I let go of the fear of false accusation.

130. I let go of the fear of doing it his, her or their way.

131. I acknowledge that behind my excessive sense of obligation is the fear of my own freedom.

132. I let go of the horror about disapproval, ridicule or rejection.

133. I dare to stop auditioning for people’s approval.

134. I dare to give up my act.

135. I give up all my poses, pretences and posturings.

136. I dare to be myself.

137. I acknowledge that behind my fear of self-disclosure is a fear of freedom.

138. I dare to show my hand, to show my inclinations, to show my enthusiasms.

139. I let my every word, feeling and deed reflect me, as I truly am.

140. I love being found out: that is, caught in the act of being my authentic self.

141. I explore the farthest reaches of my identity.

142. I live my life according to my deepest needs and wishes.

143. I let go of the need to correct people’s impressions of me.

144. I stop being afraid of my own power.

145. I am irrepressible.

146. I draw upon the ever renewing sources of lively energy within me.

147. I am great hearted and bold spirited.

148. I dare to give of myself unconditionally, and…

149. I dare to be unconditionally committed to maintaining my own boundaries.

150. I open myself to the grace to know the difference.

151. I fling open the gates of my soul.

152. I set free joy, till now imprisoned by fear.

153. I set free love, till now imprisoned by fear.

154. I honor and evoke my animal powers, my human powers, my divine powers.

155. I let true love cast out all fear.

156. I face fear like the Buddha; I am the Buddha in the face of fear.

The One Obstacle to Grace

This morning, the chairperson at the meeting was telling her beautiful recovery story when she got to the moment where for some strange reason she too was able to stop drinking.  It happened one morning in January 1999.  It was seemingly no different from any of the mornings over the last few years since she really started trying to get and stay sober.  During those two years, she'd started going to AA and she kept going back even after she would drink again.  Then came this one morning where she woke up and something different happened.  Something changed.

As she talked more about this particular morning, she wondered aloud,"I don't know what was different on that morning."  Nothing, as far as she could tell, had changed.  It was a morning like many many others that followed another attempt to drink like a normal person.  That history notwithstanding, that morning she was struck by a new resolve born of desperation:  she was going to do "whatever it took" to stay sober that day.  Now, 11 years later, she still really doesn't have any idea what really changed that morning to allow her sobriety to take hold and to last--at the very least--until this day.

As soon as she talked about that special morning -- I became entranced with my own memories of my special morning almost 9 years ago.  You see, I had that same identical experience of having many months of waking up confronted by the same idea: "I can't stop drinking!!"   And like her, on my special morning something changed and I knew it as soon as it happened.  For some reason, that morning I had a second thought follow the first: "Not being able to stop drinking is called alcoholism.  And alcoholism is a disease."  Wow.  Or rather, Duh!  A 1st Step moment.

What's a little strange is that I had already known the fact about alcoholism being a disease for many years--at least at a head level, but it had never sunk to heart level until that special morning.  I suppose that in the past, I'd always thought I could either overcome that inability with even greater willpower or I could just give up trying and just do my best to not get caught.  It was a disease that would or could go away.  Not one that would always be a part of me.

Today, when the chairperson wondered aloud that she didn't have a clue as to what happened that morning, I realized that something I had read last night that seemed to hold the answer to this question, at least for me.  Last night before going to bed, I was reading another book by David Richo, this one called When Love Meets Fear. In it, he said something along the lines of this:

The one obstacle to grace is control.

That's what happened to me that special morning of October 20, 2001!  On that day I gave up trying to control my drinking.  I realize now that trying to stop drinking is yet another attempt to to control not alcohol, but to control alcoholism.  Prior to that morning, I was trying to stop drinking only as a means to avoid being an alcoholic.  And in my insane mind, stopping drinking was the only way to avoid being or becoming an alcoholic.  And I just did not want to be an alcoholic like my dad (or even my son!). 

The thought or desire to be someone other than who you are is insane.  And that's why I'd never been able to stop drinking: because as soon as I'd convince myself that I had stopped, then I'd say to myself, "Well, you've stopped!  Therefore, you're not really an alcoholic!"  And inevitably, like most alcoholics who finally convince themselves that they are really not an alcoholic: I'd celebrate by drinking!

What happened to me that special morning was that I unknowingly (but willingly) gave up my control over my alcoholism and my never-ending problem with stopping drinking.  And as result, I think, grace was able to step into the process.  Grace: an unmerited gift.  As a result of grace, I was able to stop stopping.  As a result of grace, I was able to start trying to stay sober, as an alcoholic, one day at a time.

What I'm focusing on today is the fact that control has many forms and manifestations in my life today.  Control will lead me to believe that a particular feeling, say anxiety, depression, sadness, or loneliness, should be allowed to be or to surface.  And as a result of that decision of control, I then choose to seek some alternative or escape to the undesirable or unwanted feeling.  I run.  I go to a meeting.  I get up and do anything other than just sit.  I try to use some AA tool, like writing a gratitude list, as a surefire means of avoiding the feelings that want to see the light of day.  True, these are all better choices to drinking!  But they are similar ways of controlling life as life is.  Not something I want to do.  [I know, grace is not retroactive -- it's always right here, right now--so I don't need to waste time beating myself up for all my past attempts to avoid reality or to run from feelings.]

Over the next week, I'm going to try and become more aware of these moments which tend to lead me to unskilled attempts to control what's coming up naturally from within.  I'm going to try and let those feelings be just as they are for at least one minute more than I would habitually do previously.  I'm going to try and be open to moments of grace.

And I'm apparently going to do that while I'm in Las Vegas, Nevada where I'm heading now for a five day business conference!  There's something hilarious in this plan to be sure.

Take care!

Mike L.

Poetic Writing

Yesterday I went to an early meeting and then met with a sponsee afterward for coffee and talk.  Leaving him for home and chores, I checked my email and found one from someone in the program who I barely know. This guy knew from some of my blogs that I really like an author named David Richo --- so he thought I'd like to know that David was doing a book signing at a local bookstore that afternoon.  I called the sponsee I'd just met with to let him know about the book signing because we had just been talking about some of Richo's books while we'd talked earlier that morning.  Both my sponsee and I were able to go to the book signing, he with his wife.  It was an amazing afternoon.

Richo's most recent book, "Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth" talks about how both the reading and writing of poetry can become an important part of one's spiritual work or practice.  As he was talking, he mentioned that many of us have had some really bad poetry teachers in our lives and that the damage done to poetic literature has been devastating.  That was the reason for his writing this book.  He dedicated it to all his poetry teachers.

As he talked about the book, I remembered back to college when I was taking a poetry class that I now realize killed off in me what had been a budding love of writing poetry.  This professor began the class by telling us that there was no one correct interpretation of a poem, that they were all open to a multitude of interpretations.  The class grade was going to be based on one midterm exam and a final exam.  None of the other work that we would turn in (mostly our interpretations of various poems) would have any impact on our grades.  I really enjoyed the class and the poetry it exposed.

The midterm was one question: interpret a single poem.  Several weeks later, I was devastated when I got my midterm back because on it was an "F".  Apparently I had found the one incorrect interpretation of this poem.  I somehow escaped the class with a C- (the final was to write a limrick and the only challenges were to not make it obscene and to avoid plagiarizing someone else's work) but yesterday I realized that after that class, I never again risked writing a poem.  In fact, I don't think until recently that I ever gave a poem more than a cursory onetime reading (Richo says any poem takes several readings before the meaning can be even lightly touched).  I interpreted all poems as "blah, blah, blah..." --- nothing of value.

I see now that in recent years I've slowly been recovering from this poetically damaging event back in college.  Poetic recovery began shortly after I got sober, which is when I developed a weird habit of memorizing certain passages or writings that I've found to be "beautiful" or "true".  By memorizing, I mean reading and reciting "beautiful" lines and paragraphs again and again and again and again....until they became song-like, musical and could be recited/sung aloud during long commutes to/from work every day...  Now I realize that many of these types of passages are the essence of poetry.  They are words that have somehow captured a deep truth about life and this truth has somehow struck me to my core.  I told this to Richo yesterday and he told me that the word "core" means our "heart".  That rung true for me.

I also shared with Richo that some months ago, I bought several more of his books---including this one on poetry.  What was strange, I told him, is that while he's becoming one of my favorite writers, I simply couldn't open this one particular book.  It's been sitting on my nightstand for weeks now and I couldn't get myself to open it.  Poetry was of absolutely no interest to me.  Yesterday, I understood why.  His sub-title contained the word "poetic"!  He laughed and said that when they were getting the book ready for publication, the original title had had the word "poetry" in the main title but they removed it because they were afraid that it would scare many people off!  So "poetry" got relegated to sub-titled status as a mere adjective.  And it still scared me off!

I also realized yesterday that I had fallen away from my routine of blogging.  It's been a month since my last blog.  In fact, CJ commented on my last blog yesterday and let me know that she was missing my blogs and wanted to know where I was.  I was glad to be missed.  [Of course, I wanted to snap back, "CJ, where have you! been!  Blog yourself!!!  Course, I wouldn't say something so mean and judgmental.]

I'd gotten distracted with other aspects of my life and my recovery and blogging had gotten pushed to the background.  Yesterday, I realized that writing is very important to me and my recovery.  I don't see blogging as poetry --- although sometimes I suppose there's "poetic" bits and pieces that accidentally get wedged in all the flow of words.  I want to play more with poetry soon.  Blogging comes easily to me.  I suspect that poetry takes more work, more discipline.  Editting.  Slicing/Dicing.  Listening.  Watching.  Being still.  Struck silly.

Yuck!  ;-}

OK, I'm back.  Will try to be more regular with the blogging.  Might share some of my poetry once I'm satisfied it's "done".  Cooked to imperfection.

Take care!

Mike L.

Who Said You Can't Think Your Way Into Right Action?

Over the last six years, at different times I've heard repeated the statement made that "you can't think your way into right acting, you have to act your way into right thinking." Now, you know me well enough by now that I only share that so that I can disagree with it. You're correcto mundo.



While I understand that we, especially when we're new, sometimes get stuck in navel gazing and self-analysis to the point that we get stuck in "analysis paralysis". And that to overcome that, we sometimes have to act our way out of a rut or two, even if we don't completely understand all the logical or meaningful reasons for doing so. But I've some times gotten the impression that some people are taking this AA home spun wisdom a little too far.... Like taking it to mean that our thinking is not to be trusted (can't fix a broken thinker with the same broken thinker) and that we just need to do what we're told (even if it's stated in the form of a suggestion). That sort of blind faith or blind obedience has never been something I've been willing or able to subscribe to. I know, you're not surprised.



Recently, I've been reflecting over my last six years of recovery and what have been the key things that have not only kept me sober but also gave me a quality of life that far exceeds whatever I might have hoped for when I first got sober.... Sure, all of the familiar "keys" are in my list: Steps, Sponsor, Meetings (and not drinking in between), Service, Meditation (I'm not big into Prayer....it's hard for an agnostic to pray...), etc. But there is another "key" part of my program that sort of relates to this "thinking vs. action" topic and that's the memory work that I've been doing almost since the very beginning of my recovery.


By memory work (I've written previously on this topic, "AA Recovery: A form of brain washing...") I mean the process memorizing various things, sometimes passages from the Big Book or 12X12, but also other AA and non-AA literature. The process of memorizing means taking some passage or prayer, and repeating the first sentence or phrase again and again until I can say it from memory without looking at the book or paper. Once I memorize the first phrase/line, I then begin repeating the second phrase or sentence until I can say it from memory. Then I repeat the first and the second line until I have them down... Then I go to the next phrase or sentence... As in the shampoo instructions I read years ago, "Repeat until done."

What happens for me, is this process puts the content of the passage into my consciousness, so deep it seems that eventually becomes a part of my "intuition." In effect, the process has re-trained my brain so that it now interprets the reality before me in much different, and generally, much more healthy ways.

Here's an example: Before Christmas, I bought a book that I just stumbled on while I was out shopping for books for my wife. The book is called "Everyday Commitments" by David Richo. I bought it not for my wife, but for me. She might have liked it, but that didn't matter. I liked it and I bought it for me. It was just a collection of 52 "affirmations" or commitments that this buddhist teacher/lecturer (he's also a psychologist) came up with that helped him keep more focused on what Buddhist's refer to as "Right Action" and "Right Thinking". The book was setup so that each commitment has a title, the commitment and then a brief reflection on that commitment. I suppose that the book could be used as a daily meditation book, and one could easily focus on one commitment per week for an entire year. But not me, I am far too obsessed for that. I began memorizing these commitments before Christmas and I just finished the task of memorizing all 52 commitments this last week.

But the example has to do with Commitment #25: "Gossip Free: I am avoiding gossip and the spreading of rumors. Now, when I have something to say about someone, I say it to them directly." When I first memorized this commitment, I thought it quite silly and that it should be a no-brainer to incorporate this value into my daily life. Wrong!!!! It turned out that this commitment was one that was and is terribly difficult for me to abide by in my daily life, at home and at work. But what ended up happening is that after repeated failures, I had one surprising and "unthinking" success!

I received an email from a consulting company who was participating in a bid process which I was overseeing. I'd let this company into the bidding process late because I'd neglected to include them in the list of qualified bidders.... By doing so, I got some flak from other members of my team because I was giving this consulting company a break.... I did it anyway because it was my error that kept them out of the process and I informed them that while they were allowed into the process, they would have to get their proposal in on time, just like all the other bidders. Anyway, last week, the sales guy for this consulting company informed me that they had elected not to participate in our bid process and then went on to lecture me on how great of a company they were and that they were "the best" and that they didn't waste time getting involved competitive bidding processes like this. Instead, they like being "partners" with their clients.

The email was sent to my entire time and within minutes of being received, people on my team began bad-mouthing this sales guy and making fun of him. But while they were doing that, I decided to just respond to his email and express my disappointment with his decision and my puzzlement over this approach to getting new business opporunities. I then recounted how 28 years ago, I asked a woman out for our first date and that the next week, 28 years after our first date, she and I were going out for another date to celebrate our 27 years of marriage. I suggested that he and his company go through the standard process of getting into a long term "partnership" by going out on a date first and not expecting the true partnership to magically happen just because "I'm the best there is!". My wife would not have accepted such a claim of mine then (or now) and I'm certainly not willing to accept his claim on the behalf of his company.

It was hours later that it dawned on me that the "memorized" commitment to avoid gossip and the spreading of rumors actually "leaked" into my actions without my really thinking about it. I guess my point is that I think that you can "memorize" yourself into right action....

Take care!

Mike L.

The Value of Commitments

For the last two years, the one meeting I've considered my home group has been an unlisted men's group called the Dignitaries Sympathy AA Group of the East Bay (we call it the Digs group) that meets on Thursday nights in Walnut Creek, CA. Anyone who knows me would find it odd that I'd consider a men's group as a home group --- I typically hate men's groups because they have always seemed to me to be a little too filled with testosterone and one ups manship, and something of a falsely or unreal safe place. Probably a hold over from my celibate days as a Jesuit.

Regardless, I grew to like the Digs group for several reasons: the weekly meeting focuses on sharing about what each one of us had done in the last week to stay sober, it permitted others in the group to share feedback with each other during the meeting (although the format explicitly states that we give each other the right to be wrong when we give such feedback....) and lastly, we encourage each other to make commitments to improve some area or aspect of our sobriety program whenever we felt 'stuck' in some behavior or mindset.

This idea of making commitments is something that has been hitting home over the last several weeks because I've been slowly reading through a great book by David Richo called "Everyday Commitments: Choosing a Life of Love, Realism and Acceptance" which I picked up before the holidays. The book contains 52 commitments which are short 1-3 sentence statements of commitment which offer those making them a specific goal in all sorts of various areas of life/living. For each commitment, David provides a short 1 page or so meditation or comment on that specific commitment. What I've been doing, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who knows my obsessive tendencies, is to begin memorizing each of these commitments (just the commitment statements, not the meditation/comments on the commitments....I'm not THAT obsessive!), one every couple of days or so.

Here's a sampling of the first dozen or so commitments:

"1. Cultivating Lovingkindness: I am always looking for ways to intend, express and act with lovingkindness [compassion, joy and equanimity].

2. Saying Yes to Reality: More and more, I am saying Yes to the givens of human living: everything changes and ends; things will not always go according to plan; life is not always fair or pain-free; and people are not always loving, honest, generous or loyal.

3. Grounded, Not Swayed: No matter what happens to me, I am intent on remaining personally grounded, no longer thrown off course by events or my reactions to them.

4. Remaining Secure: The painful events of human life have an impact on me, but they no longer impinge on my serenity. I try to remain secure within myself and, at the same time, trusting that I will be able to handle what happens and [whatever happens] will help me grow.

5. Committed to the Work: I am not perfect, but I am sincerely committed to working on myself [and to waking up!].

6. Freedom from the Grip of Fear: I accept the fact of fear, allow myself to feel my fear fully and act so that fear does not interfere with my life choices.

7. Openness to Feelings: I am becoming more willing to express all of my own feelings and to receive those of others, including fear, joy, grief and tenderness. I am practicing ways to show anger non-violently, in ways that are not abusive, threatening, blaming or out of control.

8. Respectful Assertiveness: I can become stronger in asking for what I desire without demand, manipulation or expectation. As I remain respectful of the timing, wishes and limits of others, I can accept no for an answer.

9. Not Taking Advantage: I forgo taking advantage of anyone because of their ignorance, status or financial straits. I forgo the chance to use any charms of word, body or mind to seduce or trick anyone.

10. Growing in Gratitude: I choose not to take unfair advantage of others' generosity. I am letting go of any sense of entitlement in favor of gratitude for whatever is given to me."

What I'm finding is that as I incorporate these commitments into my daily meditation practice (I recite them over and over several times during my commute...), that I find myself becoming aware of instances in my day where the commitment is brought front and center in my life and I have the opportunity to follow through with my commitment or, at worst, fail to do so and learn more about the underlying wisdom of the commitment itself.

In that regard, #11 on the subject of "commitments" is on my mind now as I post this message:

"11. Honoring Agreements and Boundaries: I try my best to keep my word, honor my commitments and follow through with the tasks I agree to do. Accepting my own limitations, I am more able to set sane limits and boundaries with others. I no longer make promises for the sake of pleasing or appeasing others."

I recommend this book highly!!

Mike L.