Am I Still A Legitimate Member of AA?

For quite a few years now I've been quietly wondering to my innermost self whether I am still a legit member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Why?  Well, because of the 3rd Tradition.  I know that I oftentimes hear people refer to that tradition as the one that allowed them to remain a member of AA when all else seemed to warrant excommunication or desertion.  But I've been unable to honestly say that I have "a desire to stop drinking."  In fact, I haven't had a real desire to stop drinking for over 8 years now.  In fact, I think I lost that desire two days before I first set foot in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sure, prior to the morning I woke up "struck sober" on October 20, 2001 I had become resigned to a daily and hopeless desire to stop drinking.  Most mornings, my first thought was "Christ!  I just can't stop!"  I'd almost given up trying to stop.  Stopping wasn't possible.  For the last 10 months of my drinking, I was trying only to drink and not get caught.

So when I began attending meetings of AA and heard mention of the 3rd Tradition -- my initial reaction was like most people: I felt welcomed and included.  Finally, here was a group of people like me.  People who couldn't stop drinking either.

But in time, as the fear of drinking again began to melt away as a natural consequence to my re-focusing my efforts not on "not drinking" but on "staying sober" and "learning to live sober", I gradually realized that I no longer had a "desire to stop drinking".  In fact, the mere thought of "trying to stop" was a dangerous path for me.  It seemed to reawaken the false belief that I could use willpower to stop and stay stopped.  It wasn't any solution for me to seek a "higher power" to allow me to stop.  That was equally dangerous for me because the line that separates me from "me becoming God" is a very thin one and easily crossed by me without my knowing it -- except in retrospect.

So I freely and knowingly gave up the desire to stop drinking years ago.  I eventually subscribed to the "AA didn't teach me how to stop drinking, it taught me instead how to stop stopping!" school of AA thought.

Last night this all came to a head when I was at my main home group, the Wednesday night Dignitaries Sympathy men's group in Walnut Creek.  At that group, we don't have a speaker.  We just read How It Works and then go around the room and have people share (1) what they've done in the last week to stay sober and (2) if they are struggling with something, to share it with the group.  And we permit feedback during the meeting.  What happened last night while Gary was reading the introduction to the meeting, I noticed that our format says that the only requirements for attending this meeting are that we be male and that we have "a desire to stay sober."

A desire to stay sober!  Not a desire to stop drinking!  A desire to stay sober!  I BELONG TO THIS GROUP because I HAVE A DESIRE TO STAY SOBER! 

Although I have no dreams of getting AA to change it's coveted 3rd Tradition, I guess it won't hurt to make my motion here on my own recovery blog.  Why don't we change the 3rd Traditon to say, "The only requirement for membership is to have a desire to stay sober."  I think setting the standard for admission and membership to this even lower level (I've always appreciated AA's setting the bar for admission to a very low standard!) than the "desire to stop drinking" level.  Let's bring it down one more notch!

Hi, I'm Mike and I have a desire to stay sober today.

Take care!

Mike L.