Opening Up to What Is...

Some time ago, I began reading several books by David Richo (Shadow Dance, The Power of Coincidence and How to Be an Adult in Relationships).  I've been reading each of them somewhat concurrently, bouncing back and forth between them as felt right to me.  With each book, I've been making conscious decisions to open myself up to that dark side of who I am (the shadow self that I don't like acknowledging and certainly don't like accepting or, God forbid, embracing) and to the various "assisting forces" (dreams, coincidences, events, spirits and what I thought to be dead people like Earle) who are helping me be more truly who I already am.

What I'm starting to realize now is that once I made those commitments, things really begin to happen fast and that there's probably no way to put the Genie back in the bottle, even if I wanted to! There seems to be nothing that happens to me, 24x7, that isn't part of the process.  A few nights ago, I was meeting with a sponsee for coffee and while we talked, I started to understand with much greater clarity the answer to a key question in my life that's been plaguing me for several years now. 

What that question has to deal with is not something that I want to go into here, at least not now, but my point is that while I was talking and listening to this really great guy (who has 3x more sobriety than I do and who is a tad older than I am and who is very successful in his business life) talk about his (and coincidentally my!) problems/struggles with his wife of many years -- it became clear to me that everything that's been going on in my life in the last 8 years is part of a process that began many many years ago when I was first growing up.  And that what I knew to be true for me then (that I had a special purpose in life and that that purpose involved helping others), is something that I have been moving toward step by step all these years.  Most especially now.

More importantly, I started to realize that everything that has happened over the last 56 years of my life is just what needed to happen in order for me to be where I am right now.  Everything.  There was nothing in that path of events and people that should have been any different than it actually was.  It was and is perfect.  (Thank you, Earle!)

Several weeks ago, sometime after I began doing this "shadow work" I woke up one Saturday morning and realized that my wife was already up having tea and reading the paper.  I gave myself permission to do what I wanted to do: go back to sleep.  I was very tired.  I slept.  I dreamt.  I awoke.  I repeated that process a couple of times, slept, dreamt and awoke.  The last time I did that, I awoke and as soon as I was conscious, the idea came to me that "Everything's true!".  As that simple thought entered my mind, everything went White.  A bright light is the only thing I can think of to describe this experience.  I had this thought lingering in my consciousness "Everything's true" and in the background I'd see various things (events and people) from my past and present and as I would gaze at them I would remember that "Everything's true!" -- everything and everyone is true, complete, perfect.  And everything was surrounded and immersed in this incredibly bright light.

After a few moments, the idea about Everything's True would drift and the White light would fade.  And I would be aware that it was fading.  I had mixed feelings about this fading away of the light: the light had actually scared or frightened me...something seemed almost "foreign" about it.  Yet it also filled me with energy and peace.  As it faded almost completely away, I would then remember some other event or person from my past and then the idea would come to me again that "Everything's true" and the White light would return, full force.  And then it would fade.  And then it would return.  I don't know how long this cycle went on, maybe 15 minutes, but I eventually tired of it and decided that I should get up, go hug my wife and begin knocking off her list of Honey Dos for the weekend ahead.  And so I did.

This has been an amazing couple of weeks.  All because I gave myself permission to be open to what is.

Take care!

Mike L.