I've recently been working with a couple of guys who've been struggling with relapse and it's gotten me to rethink the issue of the necessity of reworking a 1st step after a relapse. While I think there's much wisdom behind the conventional wisdom suggesting that a person take a harder look at the 1st Step after a relapse, assuming they'd taken a gander at it before the relapse, I wonder if it's not possible that some people get stuck in the 1st Step and fail to stay sober because of their not moving forward to the 2nd Step.
In both cases that I'm dealing with, I believe both men have a good understanding of the basic tenets of the 1st Step, but for some reason they've both had problems translating that mental understanding into their heart of hearts. Or maybe it's something as trivial as having the -ISM in alcoholism: incredibly short-term memory. Regardless, I'm thinking that either or both of these guys might want to move on to the 2nd step and begin asking for help from something or someone greater than they are, as well as begin considering what alcoholic insanity is for them.
For me, it was helpful early on to begin asking others for help. It seemed to happen quite naturally for me as soon as I walked into my first meeting. I had a sense, I suppose from watching my son get clean as a result of going into these 12 step rooms, that I would find help within these rooms myself...if only I would ask. If only I would accept the help so frequently offered to me. For me, the 2nd step didn't really need to get to the thornier question of whether there was a God or not, or if there was a God, what that God was/wasn't like. For me, the powerlessness found and accepted in the 1st step only called for me to accept help from all sorts of sources outside and even within myself.
The 2nd step has become much more one where I have come to understand the insanity of much of my life, both drinking and non-drinking. The insanity that I have discovered in the 2nd step has to do with an awareness, gradual to be sure, that I spend much energy trying to be someone I'm not. In terms of my drinking career, much energy was spent over 30 years or so trying not to be an alcoholic "like my father" --- well, trying that AND trying to drink "like" a non-alcoholic. That was my alcoholic insanity.
The 2nd step has given me much freedom in my life: freedom to be who I am. Who "that" is is always going to be somewhat mysterious and unknown, but I have developed a greater comfort in the knowledge that I am perfectly OK who I am, even if I'm not all that sure who that is. It's beyond a simple "I'm OK, You're OK" --- much more to the truth of the matter, it's a "I'm not OK, You're not OK and THAT's OK!"
I know that all have their own path and I'm not one to know what another person's path is or will be. I will raise this issue with these guys though and let them chew on it for awhile. A 1st step is never really something that's completed and done with, so if they want, they can continue being with the 1st step as they continue moving on through the next steps....whether that be 2 or 3 or 10, 11 or 12. I'm not a big stickler on doing the steps in order to be honest.... Whatever will work, I'm for.
Take care!
Mike L.
For me, it was helpful early on to begin asking others for help. It seemed to happen quite naturally for me as soon as I walked into my first meeting. I had a sense, I suppose from watching my son get clean as a result of going into these 12 step rooms, that I would find help within these rooms myself...if only I would ask. If only I would accept the help so frequently offered to me. For me, the 2nd step didn't really need to get to the thornier question of whether there was a God or not, or if there was a God, what that God was/wasn't like. For me, the powerlessness found and accepted in the 1st step only called for me to accept help from all sorts of sources outside and even within myself.
The 2nd step has become much more one where I have come to understand the insanity of much of my life, both drinking and non-drinking. The insanity that I have discovered in the 2nd step has to do with an awareness, gradual to be sure, that I spend much energy trying to be someone I'm not. In terms of my drinking career, much energy was spent over 30 years or so trying not to be an alcoholic "like my father" --- well, trying that AND trying to drink "like" a non-alcoholic. That was my alcoholic insanity.
The 2nd step has given me much freedom in my life: freedom to be who I am. Who "that" is is always going to be somewhat mysterious and unknown, but I have developed a greater comfort in the knowledge that I am perfectly OK who I am, even if I'm not all that sure who that is. It's beyond a simple "I'm OK, You're OK" --- much more to the truth of the matter, it's a "I'm not OK, You're not OK and THAT's OK!"
I know that all have their own path and I'm not one to know what another person's path is or will be. I will raise this issue with these guys though and let them chew on it for awhile. A 1st step is never really something that's completed and done with, so if they want, they can continue being with the 1st step as they continue moving on through the next steps....whether that be 2 or 3 or 10, 11 or 12. I'm not a big stickler on doing the steps in order to be honest.... Whatever will work, I'm for.
Take care!
Mike L.
2 comments:
yep. i find that if they want to drink, then it doesnt matter what i tell em about the steps.
when they want to stop then it gets interesting. resentment generally is the number one offender. either that, or they have no higher power, or are not asking for help.
but i enjoy figuring out the missing peices of the jigsaw. each is different, so it never gets boring :)
I've been in their shoes and just celebrated a year again. It did not help me to dwell on Step 1. I knew I was powerless, unmanageable etc. but the physical addiction overwhelmed me. Too much introspection only fueled my remorse. Focusing on steps 1,2 and 3 only reminded me I'd failed. What helped me was to get into action steps, especially service which helped me feel useful and helped lift the feeling of failure. Now that I have a little time sober again, all the steps including one have a new meaning, but I needed to get on with it.
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