Here's an acceptance inventory that I use.... Don't know if it's a First Step sort of thing or a Tenth Step sort of thing, or both. Regardless, I've memorized this inventory so that I can use it while I'm driving to/from work. Given my 65 mile commute to and from work, the wise use of this time has been one of the mainstays of my recovery over the last six years.
This list of 50+ questions on acceptance was something I found in a great book called, The Tao of Sobriety by Gregson/Efran.
What I've found is that when I'm in a "good" place, where I feel basically content with life, I tend to answer most of these questions with "Yes" (sometimes begruding, but Yes, nonetheless). But when I'm out of balance, "HALT" (hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired), then the answers are more likely to be "No", "Hell No!" and/or "Fuck No!" or "No Fucking Way!".
When that happens, this acceptance inventory helps me identify where in my life I'm not accepting the reality of something or someone and then once I've done that, I can chose to change my attitude toward that reality....i.e., accept it. Then peace usually returns....for awhile.
An Acceptance Inventory (The Tao of Sobriety by Gregson/Efran):
"1. Do you accept that people are often cruel, inconsiderate and heartless?
2. Do you accept that children all over the world are dying of malnutrition?
3. Do you accept that the notion of God may be a fable?
4. Do you accept that people are frequently devious and self-serving?….
5. Do you accept that you have the right and obligation to help change the world even though you haven’t the foggiest notion about how to do so?
6. Do you accept that you could lose your job or financial security…at any time?
7. Do you accept that someone you trust will betray you?
8. Do you accept the seeming inevitability of wars and bloodshed?
9. Do you accept that people are sometimes genuinely altruistic?
10. Do you accept that people are evil?
11. Do you accept your own evil motives?
12. Do you accept the possibility of time travel?
13. Do you accept that innocent children are being abused…daily?
14. Do you accept that someone is spreading false rumors about you?
15. Do you accept dying?
16. Do you really accept dying?
17. Do you accept the possibility that you could contract or develop a life-threatening illness?
18. Do you accept that millions of people in the world are better off than you are?
19. Do you accept that you have made some really serious mistakes?
20. Do you accept that you will continue making serious mistakes?
21. Do you accept generosity from others?
22. Do you truly accept the forgiveness of others?
23. Do you accept having harmed others?
24. Do you accept having intentionally harmed others?
25. Do you accept that you will eventually lose everything?
26. Do you accept the possibility of sudden and serious illness?
27. Do you accept that friends and confidants will lie to you?
28. Do you accept that your choices will be criticized?
29. Do you accept that some people will want to give you valuable gifts?
30. Do you accept being considered worthy by those you admire or respect?
31. Can you accept being or becoming a parent?
32. Do you accept that you are still an adolescent, despite your chronological age?
33. Do you accept that you are highly susceptible to being conned?
34. Do you accept that people are violent?
35. Do you accept that you have purposely avoided telling others what they needed to hear?
36. Do you accept your own basic goodness?
37. Do you accept that you are whole, sufficient and complete?
38. Do you accept that you have not lived up to your full potential?
39. Do you accept that homicide and suicide are part of the human condition?
40. Do you accept the fact that newborns are regularly abandoned or killed?
41. Do you accept that people are laughing at you behind their back?
42. Do you accept that people do not take you seriously?
43. Do you accept the possibility of being in a fire or drowning?
44. Do you accept the possibility of being in a serious auto accident?
45. Do you accept that someone close to you may stop speaking to you?
46. Do you accept that life is finite and futile?
47. Do you accept that some of your best efforts have been totally in vain?
48. Do you accept that innocent people are being tortured in many countries around the world [some of them at the hands of our agents]?
49. Do you accept sexual inadequacy? [Do you accept physical inadequacy? Do you accept social inadequacy? Do you accept spiritual inadequacy?]
50. Do you accept that many criminals prosper?
51. Do you accept being a role model for others?
52. Do you accept being the source of love and compassion?
53. Finally, [finally!!!] do you accept the current incomplete status of your acceptance?" The Tao of Sobriety
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2 comments:
Hello Mike. I just wanted to tell you I find your writing's very informative and thought provoking.
I am not an alcoholic, or at least I don't think I am. Although, I have been surrounded by those who have struggled desperately because of it all of my day's and I likely will be, for the rest of them.
I appreciate your honesty and your sharing and look forward to continued reading's.
Thankyou for your thoughtful insight's and effort's.
A friend of Jim
Anonymous:
Your comment made my day. Thanks! Some years before I ultimately came to believe that I was indeed an alcoholic, I read a book called "Under the Influence" by Milam (can't remember first name at this moment) who is an M.D. and his book attempted to explain both some of the popular and untrue myths about alcoholism and also explain the current medical facts about this biogenetic and progressive disease. On first reading, I read each description of the progressive stages of the disease and my response to the early stages were "that's me", "that's me", "that's me".... But at some point in the middle stages, I said, "no, that's not me".
Looking back it was sort of silly of me to walk away from that book with the idea that I was not a real alcoholic because I had not (yet) reached the later stages of this progressive disease. I didn't pay much attention to the work "progressive" I suppose. Anyway, I continued drinking "in a carefully controlled manner" -- most of the time. ;-}
Ultimately, my 15yr old son hit his bottom and entered a treatment program. While he began to get clean and sober, I found myself unable to stop drinking for the first time in my life. For me, that was a progression into a new stage of alcoholism and I lived in that hell for another 10 months.
Ultimately, it reached a point where I couldn't do it (hiding my drinking while he was getting progressively better!) any longer. I woke up one morning and realized 1) I couldn't stop drinking; 2) that the inability to stop drinking is 'alcoholism' and 3) I had it and that this was perfectly ok, it is just a disease and 4) that I could do something about this: I could do what my son was doing.
I then saw myself sitting in a group at my son's treatment program where all of the kids in my son's program and their parents/siblings were seated in a circle ready to begin that night's "multi-family" group session: I checked in to the group by saying, "Hi, my name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic". As soon as I did that (in my mind, mind you!) the obsession to drink which had plagued me "progressively worse" for over 30 years....left me in an instant.
I then dove into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and over the last six years have put together a life that is beyond my wildest dreams.
Good luck my friend! Any friend of Jim's is a friend of mine.
Mike L.
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