Why Communal Prayer Seems Inappropriate Within AA Meetings

I was at a meeting Saturday morning when someone announced to the group that at the request of one of the members, the group was going to go through a group conscience process concerning a request by one of the members to change the meeting format such that the customary closing of the meeting would no longer include praying the Lord's Prayer and that we would begin using the Serenity Prayer instead.  Although the meeting was a Step meeting (and that week we were reading the 8th Step from the 12x12...), several people during the meeting shared their thoughts and opinions about the issue of the Lord's Prayer, most seemed against changing the format and gave various rationales for keeping things as they were. 

I wasn't surprised by the trend given my sense that AAs don't like change and the only thing they dislike more than change is controversy or differences of opinion.  In fact, my only surprise was my ability to not talk about this issue until towards the end of the meeting.  I have strong feelings about this issue.  Not just about the Lord's Prayer, but any communal prayer in the context of an AA meeting.  I think it's wrong. 

I think it causes harm, most particularly with the newcomer who hears one thing in our literature and format, but another thing quite the contrary in our actions.  In the literature, we tell the newcomer that they don't have to believe in God to get or stay sober, that it's a purely personal decision for them to investigate for themselves and that they were completely free to define their "higher power" in any way they chose.   Blah, blah, blah.  And then, at the end of most meetings, the leader stands up and asks us to join him in closing the meeting with the Lord's Prayer.  The people then stand, join hands in apparent solidarity and say this Christian prayer together.  So much for a higher power of our own understanding.

To be clear, I am not against prayer.  I pray frequently.  I often use other people's prayers as a jumping off point for my own prayer.  I memorize many prayers that I've found to express some deep resonating truth to me and recite them aloud as I drive to/from work---eventually modifying those prayers so that they become more "my" prayer and less someone else's prayer.  Communal prayer though seems appropriate only in a religious community where there is a shared or common faith.  Stealing such a communal prayer from any community, which is a strong AA tradition by the way!, seems a bad idea for AA (at least when we only steal prayers from one of the available religious traditions in the world).

The use of sectarian prayers, which includes the AA favorites of The Lord's Prayer, The Serenity Prayer and St. Francis (or Eleventh Step) Prayer, in an AA meeting expresses the reasonable interpretation or mistaken belief that we "in the circle and holding hands" are a part of that Christian or Judeo-Christian sect and that all our words, spoken or written to the contrary, were just meaningless words.

Am I going to bring about change in AA's long practice?  I doubt it -- at least nothing substantial or quick.  I share my thoughts on this inside issue whenever I think that I can be helpful, especially for someone who is new to this weird organization called AA.  I do it with a sense of humor and, as best I can, with humility.  Sometimes, I speak loudest by simply doing what I've done consistently for the last six or seven years: when a group is going about doing a communal prayer, I stand and join in the circle and I do nothing other than listen.  Sometimes I pray silently.  Sometimes I just observe others in the circle. 

Sometimes, especially during the Serenity Prayer, I join the others by inserting my own silent words inbetween theirs:  When they say, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." -- I say to myself:  "That would be you and much else out there!"  Then, when they continue with, "Courage to change the things I can..." -- I say to myself, "That would be me and my attitudes!"  And as they close with "And the wisdom to know the difference." -- I say to myself, "Yes, please!"

If the secretary asks me to take the group out with a prayer of my choice, I say the word "God?" with a question mark and then stop.  The group usually doesn't notice that I just asked a question or plea toward God and they assume that the prayer of my choice is the Serenity Prayer.  It isn't.  The prayer of my choice is the word God followed by a question mark.  That's it.

I believe one of AA's strongest and longest held traditions is the tradition of stealing prayers from other traditions and making them their own.  We've taken great liberties with massaging these prayers of others to suit our own circumstance.  I love people who when the Lord's Prayer is being prayed, change the word "name" to "names" -- those folks are aware of everything I've been saying in this blog tonite.  Bless them! 

I also noticed this last weekend when I was at my favorite Step Meeting that at the end of the chapter on Step 12, it closes with a different version of the Serenity Prayer than the one I hear prayed in AA meetings or placed on placards in meeting rooms.  The version of the Serenity Prayer in the 12x12 is sometimes referred to as "The We Version of the Serenity Prayer" -- it isn't prayed in the 1st person.  It's prayed together with others:  God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change..."

Someday, I'll make a motion at a business meeting that we take that version of the Serenity Prayer and, with  a few changes, begin to use it to begin and close that meeting:  the motion would be to begin using the new AA version of the Serenity Prayer:

Higher Power grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; courage to change the things we can; wisdom to know the difference and love to do the next kind thing.

Higher Power gives everyone the ability to address this prayer to whatever they have come to hold as their higher power: whether that be some sort of personal, localized God, or not.  It could mean a door knob.  It could be Truth.  It could be Not God.  It could be the group itself.  And, of course, this closing prayer would be purely optional to those who would like to participate.  Anyone should feel perfectly free to not participate without separating themselves from the group or from AA.

Of course, for me to do that, I'd have to attend a business meeting.  Not sure I'm that sober yet!  ;-}

Take care!

Mike L.